At my 21st, I was searching for someone that could help me with all the red flags my body was giving me. I wanted to know what was going on. Why did I not have my period yet? Why were my fingers inflamed? Why did my stomach heard so much?
After seeing a lot of different people, I found someone.
I arrived at her house after a two hours drive. My boyfriend at that time joined and stayed around when I walked the three stairs up to the attic. I knew her, she was the mom of one of my best friends. I did not go to her before because "it was too far away." It was an excuse. Her mom, this beautiful wide woman with a golden heart, embraced me when I came in. She pointed me to the chair next to her and after some checks, she started asking me questions:
How did you feel in the womb of your mom? How did your mom feel?
I looked at her with big eyes, "uhh, I don't know. I can call her...". "Did you never talk about that with you mom?" she asked me with soft eyes and a bit shocked. I was totally flabbergasted with these questions and the fact she kind of expected me to know.
I didn't know anything about that time of my life. She continued asking about my first year, second year, etc. For most ages I was silent, nothing came to mind. After a while there was a memory that suddenly pop-ed up. I had never thought of it before. When I shared it, I could feel how intens it was for me back then in my early childhood.
It was as if I had opened the sink of my body, my waters where flowing.
I cried for weeks, months. All emotions came out.
To be honest, I was mad at this wonderful woman that I love dearly. Before I went to see her, I was never really sad, angry nor moody. Non of that, and now I could not stop. Clearly did I not have the tools I have now. I did not know how to deal with all the pain that came to the surface. I landed in a depression. Luckily I knew my boyfriend "already" for 3 months, oops. He did not run away! He helped me cry whenever I felt like it. I was feeling a lot, and I was - for the first time in my life - allowing all of it.
Even though I was mad, and sad. My body started to heal! After two weeks my fingers where showing less inflammations, I had my period, my headache was less, my tummy was also less painful.
At that time I did not know Carl Jung. I was blind in this topic. All I wanted was to be a CEO like my dad. I was very sensitive and interested in humans - knowing what they had when I was little - but I was actually never challenged to read anything about it. I just did not know these wonderful people excited, nor their books. Of course for a reason. I was ment to be blank when I started helping others heal them selves. That is an other story. Back to Carl, a Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology. He says it so beautifully:
"We are not here to heal our illnesses, our illnesses are here to heal us."
Through feeling the memories came to the surface (in combination with nutrition (food) my body was healing.
After learning more about shamanism, healing, the brain, the heart, and our magnificent body (with it's own body consciousness), I learned that information is stored in our system. When we cry, we literally release memories as our waters are the carries of information.
When I met Jose Antonio Manchado I started to learn that our body is actually communicating with us. It is not against us being ill, the pain or illness is a message that is wanting to be heard. I now know it is something that will bring you back in harmony with yourself. Bring you back in balance.
When you go to the root cause of what is not flowing in your life, you will always find parts of yourself that you need to heal.
When you heal, your inner world responds, the outside world always reflect that.
So take time to feel.
During my one on one sessions we go to the root cause of what is at hand.
In the EVOLVE And EXPAND program I share practices and mediations that will help you with feeling. There you will also learn more in-depth about this.